According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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