taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
