I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
