Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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