im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
