Duck Duck Cougar?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
