She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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