Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
