kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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