if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
