It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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