My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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