So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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