I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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