he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
