I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize