I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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