Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think i got beer on your cat.
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