mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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