well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
