So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
