I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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