the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
