yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
