yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
