you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
