Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
