I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
