i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
