My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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