Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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