So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
