I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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