I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize