I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
