The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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