i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
