just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
