Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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