even my farts smell like vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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