hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
