im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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