So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
