There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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