You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
