help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
did you just send me my own nude
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
