she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
