Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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