she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
