i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
