:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
