Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
