she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
