wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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