your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
