he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
