Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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