I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
