VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
