He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
