I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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