Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
