Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
